As can be seen in https://nationalcareersservice.direct.gov.uk/job-profiles/primary-school-teacher#entry-requirements one can become a primary school teacher with just three "C" GCSEs (English, Maths and Science). This is the bare minimum for most reasonable jobs. When there is high demand, some McDonald's restaurants require more than that.
Obviously, to be a secondary teacher you will need a bit more.... or will you? Actually no: in https://nationalcareersservice.direct.gov.uk/job-profiles/secondary-school-teacher you can see that to become a secondary school teacher you need even less: just two GCSEs at C or above (English and Maths).
But don't worry, teachers are well trained for their jobs, they are very well trained... to deceive. Below are phrases they are trained to use masterfully so as to be the best possible guardians of the farce that British education is one of the best in the world, while it is actually one of the worst. You will hear these phrases over and over again, from different teachers, in different circumstances. By the time you realise that something must be wrong if all teachers use the same expressions, it will too late for your child: his future will have already been jeopardized by these stormtroopers of the corrupt and evil education system.
Here is the list:
"Your child is making good progress" - this means he has handed in some work and is performing "to target" - nobody cares if those targets are Ds, Es or Fs, as we have already discussed thoroughly on this blog.
"There is no cause for concern" - you will hear this or see it in writing. If you do, be sure that there definitively is something going on. You may even get a warning the following day that your child is on the verge of being expelled (real case).
"We will investigate/do research on this matter" - you will hear this when you have complained about an issue affecting your child at school and the school is clearly at fault. You will have talked to a senior member of staff that was not involved with the issue. It is equivalent to: "we will ignore the matter".
(We will keep adding such expressions - suggestions welcome).
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